Hurricane Preparedness Edition!!

Irene. Like other crazy bitches before her: How could
something so beautiful be so cruel?

So it's coming.  It's unavoidable and it's gunna be ugly.  Our vacation plans have been delayed.  Hospitals are being evacuated.  And Stop and Shop is completely out of chocolate almond milk. 

I've been  totally obsessing thinking about Sunday...and what scares me is not the 120 mph winds or 800 inches of rain.  I'm not even all that worried about the near certainty of my basement flooding with several feet of water.  No no...what terrifies me the most is trying to figure out what the hell I'm going to do all day!

So as a result of my near panic attack, I've decided to take a xanax put together a short To Do list for Sunday.  It will help me feel in control organize my day and MAYBE be slightly productive too.  I also realize that many of you will be also freaking the f*ck out  in a similar predicament.  So, I thought, why not share my list and perhaps give ideas to others in need?  And what's even better?  These can all be done in the event of a power outage ('cause otherwise we'll just watch TV all day...).

So here is Mimi's Hurricane Irene To Do List:

1.  Move entire contents of basement into the dining room:   What do you do when you are a renting a house at the very bottom of a flood plain and you have no flood insurance?  You put your lawn mower in the dining room.  Also, your extra deck furniture, your bikes, your old TV, and that creepy old dollhouse your neighbors gave you (You know, the one that you kept in the basement because you were pretty sure there were tiny little ghosts living in it.).  Then you let your kids pretend the dining room is a pirate ship.

2.  Write those thank you notes we've been procrastinating:   It's almost not worth getting gifts for fear of having MORE thank you notes to write.  Alas, we must find something nice to say about every gift....even that weird doll that pees in a diaper and speaks Arabic.

3.  Clean out the closets: I'm seriously dying to figure out what happened to my navy blue maxi dress.  I know it's around here somewhere.  Also , last time we cleaned out the closets I found savings bonds from my husband's bar mitzva.  Score!

4.  Pluck eyebrows:  Always a favorite.  Kills at least 30 minutes.  Might be tricky in the dark.

5. Hand wash delicates:  We all have that one bra that we love.  We should hand wash it but we don't have time and we're scared to put in the washing machine for fear will never be the same. So it just sits in the drawer...or maybe it still gets worn even though it's kinda dirty and we feel a little wrong about it but it is so comfortable that we do it anyway. You know that one?  It's time to wash it. "Little House" style.

6.   Read the last 5 issues of the Economist:  I subscribe because it makes me feel smart but I don't always read it.  I TOTALLY always plan on reading it but it's like way dense.  So this is my big chance to catch up, right?  Right.  But then again, we'll be in a state of emergency so... I'll probably just read People. 

7.  Play with kids (or borrow your neighbors!):  Hurricanes and blizzards are a great time to bond with children.  It's an opportunity for uninterrupted, unplugged, old fashioned playing.  You can play dress up (you'll be the evil queen or the ugly octopus monster), board games (watch out, they cheat) or do puzzles (don't feel dumb - they are harder than I remember too).  Just keep feeding them snacks.  They get kinda mean when they are hungry.

Well, that's all I got for now.  We are going to run to Home Depot and fight all the other crazies and buy  12 flashlights and 700 AA batteries.  

Good luck everyone!  Stay dry!