A Modernly Classic Princessy Fairy Tale for the Ages

oh, baby baby baby!

Seems there is something of a baby boom going on among my friends.  Every time I answer the phone or log into facebook there is another big announcement - either someone born, someone just knocked up or a daddy-to-be anxiously counting down to the due date.  I might was well send my paycheck to Buy Buy Baby. 

And I have to admit, sometimes all this baby stuff makes me a little nostalgic for my own baby-filled days.  It's hard to believe that almost five years have passed since I found out I was having twins...maybe that's because it sometimes feels like five hundred years.  Mom years are like dog years.  One regular year = 100 mom years.  (So I guess I look pretty good for 529? I would have expected more grey).

Anyway...in honor of all my friends who are getting pregnant, having babies and awkwardly walking around with a boppy around their waist, I thought I'd share with you this little known fairy tale called...


The Italian-Jewish-American Princess and the Two Little Peas.

(ehehm...)

The bustling Village marketplace
(where merchants sell goods
for way too much money).

Once upon a time, in the quiet little Village of Friendship Heights, in the kingdom of Queen Mary, there lived a clever young girl and her charming husband.   This clever young girl and her husband lived a simple life in this simple little village.   The had a beautifully redone one-bedroom condo modest abode and a horse and carriage just big enough for the two of them. They worked hard at their fancy downtown jobs small village tailor shop, earning just enough money to eat at the Capital Grill.

And then one day it all changed.

One afternoon this clever young girl was home alone when she started to feel a little queasy heard a noise from the kitchen.  She got up to maybe throw up in the bathroom see what it was.  But it passed was nothing.   A few minutes later she became slightly suspicisous and decided to take a pregnancy test went back to the kitchen.  And there it was.

"Oh my f*cking god!" "Who are you?" the girl said. 

Fairy Clearblue.  She's kinda Easy.

"Pregnant," said the test. "I'm a fairy," said the tiny little fairy. "I'm here to tell you that you are actually a princess."   

"I'm pregnant a princess?!?!?" said the girl.  And before she could get an answer, the fairy flew away.

The girl picked up her cellphone ran down to the tailor shop to tell her charming husband the news.

"We better go to see the old village wise man right away," said her husband.  "Perhaps he can confirm what the fairy said."

So they went together to see the village wise man.

The Village Wise man
Head of Maternal Wisemanness 
at Shady Grove Adventist

The wise man said there is only one way to accurately date the pregnancy know if someone is truly a princess.  A sonogram test.  He told the clever young girl to lay on the ultrasound table a stack of mattresses.  If he sees a heartbeat she can feel a pea under all those mattresses, he explains, we'll know for sure that she is pregnant a princess.   Nervously the girl climbed onto the mattresses to see if she really was a princess.

And then the unexpected happened.

There wasn't just one heartbeat pea.  She felt TWO!!

"Two heartbeats peas!" exclaimed the wise man.  This means that you aren't just pregnant any princess.  You are having twins  heir to the Royal Throne!!

"TWINS???  Heir to the throne???" said her charming husband in complete shock. "How did that happen do you know??"

The wise man looked at them and said, "Hyper-ovulation Royal blood line. On the mother's side."

The Grand Stagecoach
(servingmen not included)

So the clever girl and her charming husband went back to their simple life feeling overwhelmed overjoyed and elated!  Life would certainly never be the same for them.  Their beautifully redone condo modest abode was no longer fit for a family of four the Heir to the Throne and their small buggy would soon be up-graded to a grand stage coach with servingmen.

The clever young girl swapped out her slim fit jeans old rags for maternity clothes ball gowns and tiaras.   The charming husband bought and read every book on child-rearing royal etiquette.  And nine months later, after lots of protein shakes of prenatal yoga royalty training and extreme make-overs, the girl and her husband had two precious peas of their own ascended the Throne.

The End

And it was just the beginning.

(For Betsy, Aitor and the little LunaBerry to come. Besos!)