Thursday, November 3, 2011

Where you at, Mimi?

Hey circus lady, do you
get your OWN trailer?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled posting to bring you this Public Service Announcement from Bordeaux at Bedtime.

I’m here!  I’m here!  You can all take a deep breath.  Call off the search. Stand down. I have not drowned or gone crazy(er) or sold myself to the circus...yet.  

As much as I am flattered by the emails and postings about my whereabouts, I have to say that you guys are stressing me out!  I mean, isn’t a girl allowed to have a little time to herself?  Can’t a girl take a mental health day or two or three or fifteen? 
Oh I’m just kidding.  I love the attention!  Why don’t you tell me again how much you love me?
(insert compliments here)
So, you are probably wondering what I've been up to.  And if you are not wondering, I'll tell you anyway because, well...I'm in the mood to share. 
  • I'd take a bullet taxi for you,
    Mr. Handsomest Mayor.
    After fifteen months of working from home in my pajama jeans, I decided it was time to get to know my surroundings a bit.  I spent a few days networking in New York City.  And you know what?  I didn’t hate it.  
  • I also spent a day in Newark.  And you know what?  I was hit by a taxi.  Just a little. I'm fine.
  • Then it snowed in October.  No power. No school. No shovels (they washed away with Irene).  And I'm pretty sure I now suffer from weather-related PTSD.  What else explains the cold sweat when I see Al Roker and the recurring nightmare of school closures?
  • You'd never guess she
    makes a mean brisket.
    Oh and how could I forget Halloween. Candy! Pumpkins! Costumes! And a monster-sized tantrum from my kid when I REFUSED to buy the "sexy firefighter lady" costume for myself.    He had no idea how inappropriate the choice was.  He also had no idea how much I secretly wanted to wear it.   Damn suburbs.
  • Then in my quest for inner peace I went to a new yoga class.  It went well.  Until the instructor said "lift your anus."  Then I found my inner 10 year-old.  Damn giggles.
  • And in my quest for ageless beauty I went for a facial.  She put honey on my face. It was pretty damn sweet.  (Hollah!  How's that for a pun?!?)
  • And in my quest for more affordable ageless beauty, I attempted to recreate the experience at home.  Bad idea.  Sticky.  Next time I'll buy a Groupon.
So the next time I disappear for a few weeks, don't panic.  Remain calm and follow these few simple steps:
  1. Check local hospital for head-strong brunette with a weakness for handsome political figures who may have been hit by a taxi and who may be suffering from amnesia.
  2. Check your nearest ashram for a grown woman who may have been put in giggle-induced a "time out."
  3. Call my local police department and inquire about power outages.  If there is one, I'm likely at a local Holiday Inn eating corn nuts in a slutty Halloween costume.
  4. Check my bathroom.  I may still be trying to get the honey out of my hair.
  5. Call the circus. 
Now stay tuned for your regularly scheduled Bordeaux posts.

 Xoxoxo.
- Mimi

For Coco.  Thank you.  http://www.livinlavidacoco.com/.  (Read it.  She's awesome)
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