Guess who went to the JERSEY SHORE, Bitches?!?!

In case you weren't notified by facebook or birthday alarm or got an email from our office manager, last Friday was my birthday. I'm now twenty-nine...the big TWO-NINE.  One more year of my twenties.  Can you believe it?? 

Eh it's not worth lying. I'm thirty-three. That's like a real grown-up age. I'm a real grown up. When did that happen?

You might think having kids makes you automatically feel "grown up." But really it just makes you feel tired.  And when you're not tired, you are too busy playing candyland or eating left-over mac and cheese to feel much older than seven, maybe eight at best.

So, yes, I am thirty-three. I am starting to get wrinkles and yet I still get pimples. How is THAT fair, universe? Really. I'm dying to know.

And though I don't typically feel thirty-three, there are times that I realize that I am, most certainly, getting old. 

Take this weekend's trip to the beach.  I decided for my birthday I wanted a day at the beach.  We rarely go and it's been at least 10 years since my last trip to the "Jersey Shore,"  (Who out there remembers that super fun weekend in 1999??  I barely do).  Now that I am a NJ resident again, I decided it was time to check out some juice heads reacquaint myself with this popular summertime destination.  After all, kids love sand and shells and stuff.  And there is ice cream.

So we pack up and drive down to the beach for the day, with Toy Story on the DVD player Bon Jovi blasting on the radio and the wind blowing in my hair.  And I'm feeling pretty good... pretty excited about a day in the sun, listening to the waves crash on the shore, and reading the Economist Vogue and Cosmo.   And then we get there. And it takes me abooooooout 15 minutes to realize that I am totally an old fart. 

Let me break it down for you:

Not an actual self-portrait

1.  My Tankini:  It's sad but true.  Tankinis are totally "mom" bathing suits.  And while I might feel pretty cool walking around the local town pool in my "swanky" tankini, it's totally not a sexy look on the beach.  I blame Lands End and their 50% off sale for making me buy it.

2.  The contents of my cooler bag:  Wine coolers?  No.  Corona?  No.  Bud Light?  No.  Not even Dr. Pepper?  Nope.  I've got juice boxes, pretzel sticks, and cut-up apples (no skin).  WHO WANTS TO PARTY??

3. Those airplane banners are NOT targeted at me:  Instead of seeing  "2nite $3 hieny 4grlz 'til 11" I was hoping to find one that said "We bbsit $5 while u nap" or "Cute guyz haul ur crap 2 beach."  No dice, though.

4.  We sit strategically close to the bathroom:  I used to want to be near the water or the cute lifeguards.  Now the only thing that matters is being close to the bathroom so when someone (under 4 feet tall) yells "PEEEEEE PEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!" we can make a mad dash across minimal scolding hot sand.

5. The SPF of my sunscreen: I use SPF 800 with 90% titanium dioxide and I don't care what you think.   Let those other bitches fry themselves with oil.  Do you think I care if my sunscreen gives my face that whitish silvery glow so popular with mimes and vampires?  Vampires are totally cool now, right?  And I can't afford any more wrinkles (not at least until my acne clears up, dammit).

Did you know eye candy has ZERO carbs?

6. The Conversations:  I love eaves dropping.  I just wish I could get the knack of listening without staring with my mouth wide open.  That usually gives me away.  But what is more entertaining than a group of  20-something guys (and their gorgeous six-pack abs) discussing the "crazy shit" that happened the night before?  Definitely not our discussion of the debt crisis.  Definitely not.

So there is my list, or at least the highlights.  In the end it was a great day.  And although I didn't recapture my youth or remember to put sunscreen on the back of my knees (DAMN that hurts), it was an awesome birthday trip to the beach.  The sun and the sand and the waves were invigorating and, who knows, maybe next year I'll get myself in a bikini....as long as Lands End has them on sale :-)

Thanks again to everyone for the birthday wishes!  I think it's going to be a great year. 

Xoxoxoxo
- Mimi